Once Without a Time

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For someone who is so obsessed with time, I seem to forget that most people move on with it.

It is not an attribute of the common, to hang up a broken clock in the hall of their stagnant lives. That is a pattern of my own.

I’m typically atypical in my state of standstill. I’m inspired to aspire from the walls within.
The lure of the day marks just the coming of the night. The night beckons me to sleep, for the coming of a new day.

But others, they venture forward and seek to get lost, knowing that the discovery of life comes in the adventure of its course.

Their tales will be told as a time they were once upon, but mine will be told as being without, for I live in a place where the ticks do not applaud me, so I am not accepted as part of that story.

Once without a time” will be my only legacy. I’ll be lost outside of the ages.
Unaccounted for, for I didn’t count the score, counterbalancing the accounts of times galore.

Yes, it’s a strange thing to sit and write about time. For actually, it completely eludes me.

T
Diary of a Deluded Heart

Written: September 7th 2016
Published: January 31st 2017

{Written with Vallendri Arnout in mind}

Happy 2017!

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Happy New Year folks! May 2017 be full of things that have never been!

May it bring you all happiness, magic and love. May it be full of madness (of the good kind) tiredness (of the fulfilling sort) and wonder and awe. May you always stay curiouser and curiouser.

I hope you all read some fine books, listen to some soul-feeding music and watch some eye opening movies. I hope your feet wander off on spectacular adventures and your arms embrace every opportunity. I hope you give your heart to someone who deserves it and your lips meet someone who thinks you’re as wonderful and as magical as you are. I hope hopes and dream dreams for you all, until you find your happy place, and far beyond that too.

This year, I hope to welcome this world in all its savage beauty, and surrender to it wholeheartedly, doing with it what I can. I hope you all do the same. 2017 is the one. For real this time.

All your dreams, all your fantasies, and all your most elaborate delusions, they are my infinite wishes for you.

Peace ∞ Love

T
Diary of a Deluded Heart

Letting go of the Past (Pt. 1)

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Dear Deluded Heart

Sometimes I feel the past trailing behind me, like a cape blowing in the wind. Except, this cape is not empowering. It’s a slow stalker, unassuming, always present… tied like a noose around my neck.
It is the memories of past events, which form the fabric of this cape. The problem with this, however, is that memories can be a misconception; the grandest of delusions. Like a magicians slight of hand, it’s all trickery. Memories can reveal the magic – be it joy or trauma – and conceal the trick; the actual truth of the events.
The greatest trick that my memories perform, is that they cloak themselves as longing; when I choose to remember, I think I still desire. So I keep myself remembering and hold onto the feeling of wanting. But in this twisted slow dance, I lose the verity of my thoughts. When I finally do face my past, the memory – which disguised itself as longing – finally comes out from behind the rose tinted glasses. I find that the cape was just an illusion upheld by my selective recollections. It only served in slowing me down, and it was one that I no longer needed.

This sudden epiphany came from today’s events: I finally confronted a piece of my past: For far too long, I’ve held onto Continue reading “Letting go of the Past (Pt. 1)”

The Power of Perspective

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Life – like clockwork – keeps on going. But time is also the gift that brings peace of mind by healing pain from old wounds, and strengthening eyes to bring forth perspective.

Often, mistakes are the fall that helps us dodge the bullet, but we are too busy tending the scrapes on our knees to notice the chaos we escaped. Continue reading “The Power of Perspective”

Echo Through the Museum

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Walking through ancient history, reminding myself to live it before I become it…

One day we too will be another story in the grand tale of all tales, and our wonders, our hopes, our fears, our decisions and our actions, will be another shot of hindsight for another eager soul to walk through… C’est la vie… C’est magnifique.

Let’s make future history.

*Egyptian Exhibition; “Faith after the Pharaohs” | British Museum*

T
Diary of a Deluded Heart

Written: December 29th 2015
Published: July 20th 2016

Dear Josh: Reflections from a Letter

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Josh Radnor,

Like a melody sung by a jester, some are stolen, some are your own…

These lyrics resonate with me, but that’s a fact I don’t share for fear that it would pull the strings and unveil all the details within my fabric – something which you kind Sir, form a part of…

…And of all the possible ways I could’ve woven you in there, it is your literary work that I grew a serendipitous affinity with; and by that of course, I’m referring to your 2014 letter: “DEAR DAMIEN RICE’S SEMINAL 2002 ALBUM O

Beyond a fan of your craft, your art or your work, I grew a literary affection and a pure affinity with the string of words right before me; sentences on a page so eloquently speaking a language I understood. Words put together which paralleled my own stream of thoughts, those I could never present so orderly or so daringly.
So I did the worst thing that anyone could, and that is, I co-opted the intangible; I took your words and wrapped them around my own.
Wherever relevant, I dabbed my pen in your ink (in fact, for better analogy, I took your pen from your drawer and then commenced with the ink dabbing, but let’s not get too metaphorical)

Where my words fell short, I subbed you in. Whenever I wanted to express my love for a particular art form, your letter was my reference. And just like that, I became the jester, singing a melody made up of words stolen, and some of my own.

I’ve never quite cracked why I chose to write my melody this way. I don’t think I’m a bad writer and I certainly don’t lack the creativity, it goes far beyond that though.

And I think I came one step closer to figuring it out just recently…

* * *

I recently went to an intimate concert, during which I was wholly hypnotized once more, and whilst listening to the songs, I fell in love all over again – in all its glory and heartbreak – with music. (I don’t mean that lightly, I do genuinely fall in love with it.) It’s a deep love affair I sometimes wish I never learnt to get into, but I get in deep nonetheless.

During this one particular song that was floating around me, I closed my eyes and had a thought… “If I had to be a song, I’d choose you…Continue reading “Dear Josh: Reflections from a Letter”