Dear Deluded Heart,
Growing up, I always feared that moment of binding commitment. Each decision would weigh heavy on me, because I knew my decisions came with the curse of “forever”…
Like the keeping of the most sacred of vows, once I made a choice, I’d compel myself to stand by it. Whilst this made me a woman of my word, it also made me a woman of a few words; I knew I had to tread carefully, for I had no second chance.
Committed to the cause, I stripped myself of the virtue of a restart; a change of mind, heart or circumstance was a luxury I did not allow myself to have. I told myself I could only choose once, and then tied my fate to my decisions. My choices were not subjected to change, and that was a heavy burden to bear.
But I’m finally surrendering to change.
We are in the presence of Continue reading “Surrendering to Change (Pt. 2)”
Dear Deluded Heart
Sometimes I feel the past trailing behind me, like a cape blowing in the wind. Except, this cape is not empowering. It’s a slow stalker, unassuming, always present… tied like a noose around my neck.
It is the memories of past events, which form the fabric of this cape. The problem with this, however, is that memories can be a misconception; the grandest of delusions. Like a magicians slight of hand, it’s all trickery. Memories can reveal the magic – be it joy or trauma – and conceal the trick; the actual truth of the events.
The greatest trick that my memories perform, is that they cloak themselves as longing; when I choose to remember, I think I still desire. So I keep myself remembering and hold onto the feeling of wanting. But in this twisted slow dance, I lose the verity of my thoughts. When I finally do face my past, the memory – which disguised itself as longing – finally comes out from behind the rose tinted glasses. I find that the cape was just an illusion upheld by my selective recollections. It only served in slowing me down, and it was one that I no longer needed.
This sudden epiphany came from today’s events: I finally confronted a piece of my past: For far too long, I’ve held onto Continue reading “Letting go of the Past (Pt. 1)”